School Satire Appreciator Gifts

School Inspector

"I hate Mondays - double T.B. followed by meningitis."

'I won the garlic eating competition.'

'Ready for your performance review?'

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

The Berlin Peace Movement

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

'They've all tested positive for stress.'

'I can understand you getting upset when they make fun of your little arms, but eating your classmates is not the answer.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'Don't I even get to enter a plea?'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

Pied piper.

'It's the new guidance counselor. He's lost.'

'...All I can say is, the judge was adamant about his gag order on the case.'

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

"Unruly, talking back, lack of respect...and that's just the parents."

'I don't think it was a very productive year for Ms. Read. We learned to use all twenty six letters, and she only learned to use the 'C'.'