School-board Satirist Gifts

'I hope 'intelligent design' isn't added in schools because it would mean more homework.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

'Will this help me get into law school?'

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'I want to thank you for your spontaneous and overwhelming support...'

"When I said my teacher had no class I meant class was canceled."

"Every sixth grade substitute is offered an optional cyanide pill."

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

Hand puppet company boss uses puppet to tell employee: 'You're fired!'

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

'Just hold on! Screaming never solved anything.'