School Teacher Humorist Gifts

'I ate some modeling clay in school today. It's okay, they're not going to make me pay for it...'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

Math Teacher

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

Empty Headed Schoolboy

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'People, get a half-life!'