School Teacher Humor Gifts

'That's sure a funny lookin' sandwich bag!'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

Teacher's pet dog

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?