Teacher Humor Gifts

I will stop making two people who have nothing in common fall in love.

'I can tell we're approaching winter recess. My briefcase is overflowing with travel brochures.'

"On a pencil, this is called an eraser, not the delete button."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'