Teen Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Until I was thirteen I thought my name was stop it!'

"I wasn't sure about veganism until I saw how much it inconvenienced my parents."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"Who made this mess?"

"These gas prices are crazy! By the time I'm old enough to drive...I'll only be able to date girls who live within a 1-gallon radius."

Toy Grab/Toy Stab.

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

"It's so early in the year, and that English teacher…. She's already up in my grill."

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

Newton discovers puberty

"Lesson number one about the birds and the bees. . . it doesn't take nine months to download a baby."

'Washing dishes, why?'

'Truthfully, I love teaching middle-school kids, they're so interesting!...They're all just pudgy bundles of potential!...Although some of them smell funny.'

Poetry corner: junior high edition

The kid who learnt about math on the street

"My parents are okay too, I suppose. I just wish they weren't so...parenting!"

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."

'These teenagers - when will they learn to lie around and do nothing all day?'

No Radio on Board