Theater Producer Gifts

'We had to donwsize.'

"But first - a word from our sponsor."

Terry Gilliam cancelled by the Old Vic

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Hollywood producer.

'The theater better put on good shows this fall, because we're having a bumper tomato crop.'

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but in order for Act 3 to go on we'll need an additional $17,000!'

Stage producer.

"I know it is a digital production, but this cheque is a digit short."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Just be yourself."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Herman Mankiewicz

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Hamlet'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Women's Bonnets Block the Audience View

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Trump! The Musical

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Meet Me Outside St. Louis

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk