Stage Production Gifts

"Well, that's show business."

"Just be yourself."

Stage Door

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

Anna Calvi

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Modern Major General

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Theatre Crowd

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Falstaff

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Scarpia from Tosca

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

Tina Turner

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Magic Tricks

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."