Stage Performance Gifts

Lousy Ventriloquist Fears Return to Normal

Panto cow motivation.

'Marcus could we try it again with a little less gusto this time.'

Kissing Prompt

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Scarpia from Tosca

Bow

'You're thinking of your wife again, aren't you?'

Singer projecting her voice through a microphone.

'His ring tone is a huge round of applause.'

Jeff Beck.

Magician sawing a woman in half.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'6 One-Act Plays By 6 World Leaders'

World Championship Mime-Off -'HEYYY! He's in a REAL box!!'

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

"Sorry, you're out. This is a period piece."

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

The Practical Magician

"O.K., I just found my wife in bed with my best friend and I go into a rage. What's my motivation?"

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

"I haven't had the heart to tell him vaudeville's dead."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Just be yourself."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Modern Major General

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Silly wig.

Senta jumps into the sea