Stage Show Gifts

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"Just be yourself."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Modern Major General

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Theatre Crowd

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Scarpia from Tosca

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Tina Turner

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Jeff Beck.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Magic Tricks

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Robbie Williams

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'