Stage Acts Gifts

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Book and magician

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Just be yourself."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Modern Major General

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Scarpia from Tosca

Theatre Crowd

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Tina Turner

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Jeff Beck.

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Magic Tricks

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'