Stage Acts Pillows

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Book and magician

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Just be yourself."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Modern Major General

Theatre Crowd

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Scarpia from Tosca

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Tina Turner

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Magic Tricks

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'