Stage Performer Pillows

Big deal - a guy writes a couple of plays, and suddenly he thinks he's the spokesman for his generation.

Campaign rally.

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

"And now I'd like to pick a member of the audience so I can look clever and they can look stupid"

Normally she wouldn't say boo to a goose!

Midsummer Night's Dream

'I just cant do it...the script says enter stage left and I'm a Conservative.'

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"I'm so nervous – my cat is here to see the play."

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

"Don't you think this is a bit much for the first lesson."

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

"You'd better stand back now: This is going to be a mighty roar..."

Lucia is further maddened by the early departure of a subscriber in a sports jacket.

"You'll have to imagine the melody for this next song too."

'RADA? Take a sweeping left here, a dramatic right at the road-works and it's stage left at the lights, luvvie.'

'My previous school only had a single-decker walking bus.'

Rabbit pulled from top hat carries 'Stop animal cruelty' banner

'As your realtor I felt it was important to stage your house.'

'Listen - if I can survive Antarctica, I can survive Hollywood.'

Actors' dispute.

Tina Turner

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Dancer burps in front of the panel.

Panto cow motivation.

You're supposed to simulate it!

"I can't have the wart removed, I just got the Wicked Witch role in 'Wizard of Oz'."

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

'Perkins! Quit goofin around and get back on this stage now!'

"Is there a seamstress present?"

'Just remember lads, when the drummer misses a beat we all miss a beat.'

Music Hall Dancers