Stage Actress Pillows

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

Sarah Bernhardt

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Taking a peek at the audience

Modern Major General

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Theatre Crowd

Scarpia from Tosca

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Woman crying with happiness.

Ladies

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Tina Turner

Magic Tricks

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore