Stage Actress Gifts

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

Sarah Bernhardt

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'They all want to play the star.'

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Taking a peek at the audience

Modern Major General

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Jack Gleeson

Scarpia from Tosca

Theatre Crowd

Freddie Mercury

Karataoke

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

Eric Clapton.

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Ladies

Woman crying with happiness.

Stephen Fry

Tina Turner

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Spiro & Pusho illusionists