Stage Artist Gifts

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"For my next trick, I'll require an audience."

'I've lost my voice...'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'They all want to play the star.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Pirate

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Extreme miming"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Modern Major General

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Theatre Crowd

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Scarpia from Tosca

Freddie Mercury

Karataoke

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Stephen Fry

Cygnets from Swan Lake

Woman crying with happiness.

Tina Turner

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Jeff Beck.

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'