Stage Performers Gifts

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

Natalie Merchant

Singer with microphone coming from her cleavage.

Drama Llama

"You have been accused Mr Brown of impersonating important public figures."

'Now where did I put my assistant.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Modern Major General

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Theatre Crowd

Falstaff

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Silly wig.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Mikado

"Toi Toi Toi!"

Scarpia from Tosca

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

A man taking a bow

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Tina Turner

'I'm re-enacting a battle with my conscience.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'