Stage Performers Gifts

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

Natalie Merchant

Intramission

Singer with microphone coming from her cleavage.

Drama Llama

"You have been accused Mr Brown of impersonating important public figures."

'Now where did I put my assistant.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Modern Major General

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Silly wig.

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Falstaff

Scarpia from Tosca

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Mikado

"Toi Toi Toi!"

Theatre Crowd

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

A man taking a bow

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Tina Turner