Theater Producer Prints

'We had to donwsize.'

"But first - a word from our sponsor."

"I've got it! If we don't send Stanley Kauffman any tickets, maybe he won't come!"

Terry Gilliam cancelled by the Old Vic

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Hollywood producer.

'The theater better put on good shows this fall, because we're having a bumper tomato crop.'

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but in order for Act 3 to go on we'll need an additional $17,000!'

Stage producer.

"I know it is a digital production, but this cheque is a digit short."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Just be yourself."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Women's Bonnets Block the Audience View

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Papageno from The Magic Flute

'Hamlet'

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

Leslie Caron.

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Trump! The Musical