Theatre Producer Gifts

"If we hadn't met, would you still be producing fringe theatre?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Just be yourself."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Herman Mankiewicz

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Leslie Caron.

'Hamlet'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Trump! The Musical

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

Daughters on the beach

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Cut!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Theatre Masks and Butts

Meet Me Outside St. Louis

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."