Tabloid Tactician Gifts

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

Lynching on social media

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"I just tweeted a chirp."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

Man and bird

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

Welcome to celebrity hell.

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"Wait! Wait! I just authored a 'Tell-All' Book about my time in the White House as a Trump insider!"

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"Richard just came in - he must have had a board meeting."

"I want conventional and nuclear battle plans on my desk. It's time to take this Twitter war to the next level."

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

'Safari Today likes to think it's a respectable publication, but look at these photos of me and Bobo mating. It's no better than the tabloids.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

Page Three Girls

"Get all the information you can, we'll think of a use for it later."

'The public aren't panicking about bird flu!'

"To-do list. Item one. Clear up the world's problems masterful tweet."