Tabloid Tactician Prints

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

Lynching on social media

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

Man and bird

Welcome to celebrity hell.

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

"Richard just came in - he must have had a board meeting."

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

'Safari Today likes to think it's a respectable publication, but look at these photos of me and Bobo mating. It's no better than the tabloids.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

Page Three Girls

"Can you fit our annual report into 140 characters or less?"

"Wait! Wait! I just authored a 'Tell-All' Book about my time in the White House as a Trump insider!"

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"Get all the information you can, we'll think of a use for it later."

'The public aren't panicking about bird flu!'

"To-do list. Item one. Clear up the world's problems masterful tweet."

Overnight Sensation

A man is tied to a chair and forced to watch TV news.