Tabloid Writer Prints

'The public aren't panicking about bird flu!'

Overnight Sensation

''Have you considered becominga kiss-and-tell slapper?'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"So, how did you end up in the gutter press ?"

Careers advisor to schoolgirl: 'Have you considered becoming a kiss-and-tell slapper?'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"And what self respecting tabloid do you think is going to buy photos of Little Foot?"

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

JET (Part I)

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The Original Gossip Columns

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

Leisure Editor

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

'Inflated gloom!'

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

Welcome to celebrity hell.

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Newscorp hacks into itself.

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

Sally Jessy Raphael

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

"Quick - make something up, I've got a space to fill."

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

"The school newspaper's much improved as a tabloid!"