Media Tactician Gifts

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Trial by Media

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

If nobody had invented graphics

Gay Times...

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

Local News in Heaven

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

Reporter #6: television.

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."