Media Strategist Gifts

Truth center & spin control.

Turning Off Election Campaigns.

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

Woman to flasher "Don't go into advertising"

"The media isn't taking our merger seriously. They've put us on the last page of the social section."

"We nailed Joe Sixpack and Johnny Lunchbucket. Let's turn to the Billy Breakfast Burrito demographic."

Topless Newsreader - "Just for the first few weeks love, until we've captured the audience."

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

'We want to get maximum publicity on this, Klodnik, so release it to Wikileaks.'

TV Situations vacant.

'Any other suggestions on how we can increase circulation besides a swimsuit edition?'

"Damn it, Turner, you were supposed to orchestrate public opinion."

'Sigh ... even the Monster Raving Loonies have spin doctors nowadays.' (Spin doctor shouts 'Grow the beard more! Get a sillier hat!')

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

"Just spray this on your newspaper and whoosh! - all the facts you don't like disappear!"

"Boss, why'd you post a sign out front that reads 'Please do not bring your guns into this establishment'?"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Trial by Media

'How fast can you hype?'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Gay Times...

If nobody had invented graphics

Likes: $2.

"#Win!"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."