Social Media Strategist Gifts

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

'But to end on a positive note: our company is now on Twitter!'

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

'Our little guy is busy with homework, or if we're lucky, some sort of social network start-up.'

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'What this business really needs now is some credibility...so let's start with 1,000 social media followers, how much will that set us back??'

'Gloria, what do I have to do to share a fascinating online article about the surprising ways to use watermelon?'

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

"Where do you see yourself in five minutes?"

'I'm making sure my self-inflated Wikipedia entry corresponds to my self-inflated Facebook profile.'

'If Facebook is already replacing e-mail, then we should get started on a replacement for Facebook.'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"We said 'no' but then he started a crowd-funding campaign and bought it himself."

'Let's tweet that there's civil unrest in Torquay and see if it gets reported on the news.'

"Linda, is it proper etiquette to announce layoffs via a Tweet?"

"I'm trying to grow a cancel culture – but it keeps dividing and dividing until there's nothing left."

'I don't want to yell at you in front of your co-workers, so I'm going to criticize you on twitter.'

The Web is mightier than the sword.

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

'Cease fire! They accepted our friend request!'

'I will take you proposal under consideration. Don't tweet me. I'll tweet you.'

"Well, T.R., all that remains to be done is change our Facebook status from 'in a relationship' to 'merged.'"

Clickbait Moses- "Thou won't believe the 10 #life hacks to avoid eternal damnation"

'We need to get the message out that the Tories are about silly gimmicks and not intelligent debate... You put a video on Youtube and I'll send out some tweets on Twitter.'

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

'He's been looking for a job for days. He hopes to find it on Facebook.'

'These days, it's hard to tell whom to trust - T.V. news, or your social network. . .'

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

'That's the best you got? We defriend the stock market on Facebook?'

'To improve my online presence, I put a picture of Brad Pitt on my site instead of myself.'

'Now comes the hard part. . . who gets which facebook friends. . .'

"The motion is favorited and retweeted. Meeting adjourned."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

"LinkedIn has finally paid off - it got me two new followers on Twitter."