Social Strategizer Gifts

Another way to keep an empty seat beside you on the train.

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"#Win!"

Likes: $2.

“They tease us for going together, but little do they know this is where we gather to plan the dismantling of the patriarchy.”

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

'Our little guy is busy with homework, or if we're lucky, some sort of social network start-up.'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

Technology and Love

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

"I'm trying to grow a cancel culture – but it keeps dividing and dividing until there's nothing left."

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

"Social media stocks have taken a beating I'm seeing a lot of avatars on ledges."

"He's a psychopath with megalomanic tendencies...I like that in a candidate!"

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

The Web is mightier than the sword.

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

'The best way to protect your privacy is through a flood of misinformation obscuring the truth.'