Social Media Strategist Pillows

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

"Hi, I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn."

'Our little guy is busy with homework, or if we're lucky, some sort of social network start-up.'

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'What this business really needs now is some credibility...so let's start with 1,000 social media followers, how much will that set us back??'

'Gloria, what do I have to do to share a fascinating online article about the surprising ways to use watermelon?'

'According to the latest data, our social media post rankings are staying fairly consistent with consumers, hovering just below cat shaming memes.'

"Where do you see yourself in five minutes?"

'Let's tweet that there's civil unrest in Torquay and see if it gets reported on the news.'

"We said 'no' but then he started a crowd-funding campaign and bought it himself."

The Web is mightier than the sword.

"Linda, is it proper etiquette to announce layoffs via a Tweet?"

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

"I'm trying to grow a cancel culture – but it keeps dividing and dividing until there's nothing left."

"LinkedIn has finally paid off - it got me two new followers on Twitter."

'These days, it's hard to tell whom to trust - T.V. news, or your social network. . .'

Clickbait Moses- "Thou won't believe the 10 #life hacks to avoid eternal damnation"

'That's the best you got? We defriend the stock market on Facebook?'

'Now comes the hard part. . . who gets which facebook friends. . .'

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

'Cease fire! They accepted our friend request!'

'Judging by the amount of 'likes' on my homepage, I think it's safe to assume my days as your best friend are numbered.'

'To improve my online presence, I put a picture of Brad Pitt on my site instead of myself.'

'I will take you proposal under consideration. Don't tweet me. I'll tweet you.'

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

'The best way to protect your privacy is through a flood of misinformation obscuring the truth.'

"Here lies Barry and his several social media identities."

"Social media stocks have taken a beating I'm seeing a lot of avatars on ledges."

"Forget it, Goliath, I've decided to attack you online instead."

"I've decided to unfriend you."

Technology and Love

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

Education Plan