Communication Strategist Pillows

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

'I don't have voice mail or email. . . I'm not accountable for anything.'

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

'It's not encryption software. His emails are just that incoherent.'

"The latest research has shown that our customers want more frequent communications from us."

Steady as she goes! Our silo is about to penetrate their bubble.

The need for clear communications

"How about now? Can you hear me now?"

"Our communication with the rest of the workers is based on what I like to call `The Iceberg Principle`".

Diddly

At the Stonewall Mall

"We need to clear the air. I mean, just between us, of course."

'Just a tip, never be the bearer of bad news - people will automatically blame you for it...'

Passive Aggressive Support Group

"A clarifying statement can be anything it wants to be."

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

"You twist everything I say around to your advantage."

"Unfortunately I can't take your call as I have call display and I don't want to talk to you."

"As a matter of fact, no, I didn't get the memo."

"I think it would be better if, from now on, I just gave you your opinion."

"Sure, we have ways of making you talk - but we don't have ways of making you a better listener, and that's a more important life skill."

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!

'Actually minister it doesn't really matter WHAT you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice', 'empowerment' and 'client focused'.'

"Is anybody listening to me?"

'I didn't get all that stuff after 'Dear Sir'.'

Marriage Guidance

'He's not finished his media training!'

"Since you became a management consultant we don't seem to speak sense any more."

'Do you ever text yourself to avoid an unpleasant...wait, I just received an important text!'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"You've lost me, Roger. Are you talking about us, yourself, or climate change?"

He loves to confuse his yes-men by asking them if they think he's wrong.

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.