Social Media Expert Gifts

"He's definitely made several terroristic threats...but then again, he did like the government on Facebook."

Big Eyes

The Social Media Expert

'...And as a sign of my appreciation for your great work here, I have decided to retweet you!'

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

CS560692"He's a prolific publisher on Twitter."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Squeezing the Free Press.

21st century water cooler conversations.

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Likes: $2.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"#Win!"

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

Digital Fomo!

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'Our little guy is busy with homework, or if we're lucky, some sort of social network start-up.'

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

Online Dating

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

Trick or Tweet

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!