Television Strategist Gifts

'The team in white are bound to win - look at the size of the other team!'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

A Hole in the Dike

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Internet Cafe.

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

TV Situations vacant.

"Anyone can dream the impossible dream. We need to sell the impossible dream."

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

"Terri and Kip make up our crazy dreamer imagineering department. Al is our get-realinator."

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

'We want to get maximum publicity on this, Klodnik, so release it to Wikileaks.'

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

Creating a powerful personal brand for social networking success.

Artist and the artist's model both thinking of the money.

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

"Damn it, Turner, you were supposed to orchestrate public opinion."

"Since you became a management consultant we don't seem to speak sense any more."

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."