Literary Tactician Gifts

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Man and bird

ISIS needle in a haystack.

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

Adult Education Evening Class: How to sort your rubbish.

I wrote a poem about our failure to capture and secure the highway. It's called "The Road Not taken."

British patent (applied for) A Trained Dog of war Drawing the Enemy's Fire.

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"Richard just came in - he must have had a board meeting."

'I don't think you are going to see the end of this match with that 4-4-2 formation.'

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

Sun Tzu takes on Heisenberg

Books the Prof Ordered. . . More Cost-Effective Books Ordered By The Bookstore Manager.

Heroes of the Afghan War

"Spoilsports"

'It's a special technique called cheating.'

'It was a wonderful evening, Jack...please don't spoil it by asking for a promotion.'

Confusing the Enemy's Sense of Direction

'This one is for 'World of Warcraft 3,'

"I'm not going to bother studying that section. I'm just learning to the test."

"My scheme revolves around making promises that we have no intention of keeping. . . for want of a better word, I've called it 'politics'."

The only side I take in an argument here is this side of the door.

"I only read half of it."

Famous Last Words: 'Ready!...Fire!...Aim!...

"I feel kind of responsible. When the General said he wanted to cross the Alps and march to Rome I just laughed and said, 'That's a long trip. I guess we better pack along some trunks.'"

'Shoot him!? I don't even know him.'

Stalemate

"Totally naked except for my socks. How 'bout yourself?"