Swamp Sage Gifts

"Becoming the frog king doesn't mean as much now that everyone else is extinct."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

Saguaro Cacti.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

"It seems like all we talk about anymore is the weather."

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

What can I get you? Something light but filling. Flavorful but not too spicy. Healthy but not boring. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Something right in the middle. Neither here nor there. It must walk the line of non-offensive yet opinionated. I wonder if Arby's is taking applications. If I eat a sandwich in the woods and no one is around, do I make a sound?

"I'm 92 years old, Larry ... why in the heck would I plant perennials?!"

The Senior Citizen Surfer

"The real money is in franchising."

The Deli Lama - Sandwich shop.

'This is where my dad goes to seed.'

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

"Great waves to day, dude!"

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."

'No, sorry, money is the root of all evil!'

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

Country & High Brow.

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"Finally, a world where everyone wants to serve me."

'Now you have that invisible fence you've been wanting.'

'Not since that one tree got a restraining order.'