Environmental Sage Gifts

'Not since that one tree got a restraining order.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

Climate Summit

"First you make a roux."

"If obsessing about trash is wrong, then. . . I don't wanna be right."

It's the biofuel generation.

"Say one Our Father Attenborough and three Hail Gretas."

The Authentic Christmas.

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

The oil trap.

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"Please help us reduce our garbage and improve our energy efficiency and our water quality. Help us to be eco-wise and-above all-to empower others."

WORLD COUNCIL ON GLOBAL WARMING, 'I regret to report that there's no global warming threat after all - we just got Fahrenheit and Celsius mixed up.'

Climate Change Rhetoric

Fish near-death experiences.

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

Climate Change Denier's Playbook

"But deep down you must have wanted to change."

The perils of overwork.

'It's no use Lieutenant - he's still refusing to separate his recyclables.'

"How much energy did you use to create me? I wasn't awakened with nuclear power, was I?..."

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

Peak oil and the limited future of petrol cars.