Surf Sage Gifts

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."

"Great waves to day, dude!"

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

"I hope it's not contagious."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"It seems like all we talk about anymore is the weather."

"It needs more old salt."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

"If you don't want to know the score..."

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

Country & High Brow.

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

"You experience violent mood swings from elation to despair? That's normal for a boat owner."