Surfboard Sage Gifts

"The Americans must be at the end of their tether. They're sending in Californian Surf Nazis!"

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

"The good news is, the wind turbine is working great, the bad news is, it blew all the solar panels off the roof."

Woah, This was well worth swapping my flying saucer for!

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

"If you don't want to know the score..."

A shark ventriloquist.

"Great waves to day, dude!"

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."

"It's always, 'hey God, thank for the win! It's never, 'hey God, need tickets?"

Roy Hodgson

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe the simplest modes of travel are the best.

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

"Finally, a world where everyone wants to serve me."

Holiday on Thin Ice

When Daisy died, you said she'd gone to a better place!

"You just couldn't shut up could you?"

'Is this the first time he's got 180?'

Wind Surfing