Sporting Sage Gifts

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Two Players both holding the same cue.

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

There's the pay TV remote, the set top box remote, the TV remote...now where did I put the worth watching remote?

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

"It needs more old salt."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

"I see that the dow is up today."

"It's true you always need to be prepared but you're not going to need the microwave."

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

Ski Lift

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'