Sporting Sage Pillows

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Pessimists v Optimists.

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

There's the pay TV remote, the set top box remote, the TV remote...now where did I put the worth watching remote?

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"It needs more old salt."

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

"I see that the dow is up today."

Roy Hodgson

"It's true you always need to be prepared but you're not going to need the microwave."

Ski Lift