Sporting Sages Pillows

Pessimists v Optimists.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'Always give a grave prognosis, my boy!...'

"Nobody said it would be easy!"

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

'Just in case I forget it, I keep my mantra on my Ipod.'

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

'Let's face it, Old Simkins is well past his 'best before' date...'

"Like, hello? nothing's wrong with the software. You hit delete. If you want to answer prayers, hit send."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Disregard this baloney if you're asthmatic."

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

Ski Lift

"I just don't know - Hipppocrates says one thing, Galen says another thing, and Vesalius says something entirely different."

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.

"It's true you always need to be prepared but you're not going to need the microwave."

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe