Sporting Sages Gifts

Pessimists v Optimists.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Two Players both holding the same cue.

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'Always give a grave prognosis, my boy!...'

"Nobody said it would be easy!"

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"You're in my realm now - keep your hands off the thermostat."

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'Let's face it, Old Simkins is well past his 'best before' date...'

'Just in case I forget it, I keep my mantra on my Ipod.'

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

"Like, hello? nothing's wrong with the software. You hit delete. If you want to answer prayers, hit send."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Disregard this baloney if you're asthmatic."

Roy Hodgson

"I just don't know - Hipppocrates says one thing, Galen says another thing, and Vesalius says something entirely different."

Ski Lift

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.