Sporty Sage Gifts

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Pessimists v Optimists.

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

"You're dated look is an absolute tour de force."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Oh, Goddess of Fashion, speak to me!'

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

"It needs more old salt."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

Are your cowhide coats any good?

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

'Larry, that tie is not your friend.'