Sporty Sage Gifts

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'

"Finally, a world where everyone wants to serve me."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Pessimists v Optimists.

Running shoes? You have the wrong idea about "fasting," Brother Ernest!

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"You're dated look is an absolute tour de force."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'Oh, Goddess of Fashion, speak to me!'

"It needs more old salt."

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

Are your cowhide coats any good?

Roy Hodgson