Skating Sage Gifts

Holiday on Thin Ice

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Two Players both holding the same cue.

Pessimists v Optimists.

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

Wang Yangming takes a scroll of knowledge from a crane.

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

Weight and Fortune.

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

Ski Lift

"It's true you always need to be prepared but you're not going to need the microwave."

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'