Skating Sage Gifts

Holiday on Thin Ice

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Two Players both holding the same cue.

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Wang Yangming takes a scroll of knowledge from a crane.

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

"There's more to life than winning. There's losing - to deduct capital losses on your taxes."

The Senior Citizen Surfer

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Jesus Saves

'I just feel like a sore loser.'

Weight and Fortune.

Roy Hodgson

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

"It's true you always need to be prepared but you're not going to need the microwave."

'Dinosaur museum,soccer pundit exhibit.

Moses Parting the Half-Pipe

Ski Lift