Southern Sage Gifts

Country & High Brow.

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

One way only.

Saguaro Cacti.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

What can I get you? Something light but filling. Flavorful but not too spicy. Healthy but not boring. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Something right in the middle. Neither here nor there. It must walk the line of non-offensive yet opinionated. I wonder if Arby's is taking applications. If I eat a sandwich in the woods and no one is around, do I make a sound?

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

"I'm 92 years old, Larry ... why in the heck would I plant perennials?!"

"It needs more old salt."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

"The real money is in franchising."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

'Hey newbie. Just ease and squeeze, ease and squeeze!'

'No, sorry, money is the root of all evil!'

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

Mother knows best.

'Your Dell went to hell.'

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

The Deli Lama - Sandwich shop.

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'

'Stop! Listen to me! Size matters!!'