Saddle Sage Gifts

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

One way only.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"I told you to order the mild salsa!"

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

Sigh...things wear oud, dust collects, people die... Why can't you just relax and enjoy life? Because one thing really worries me... Reincarnation, right? ou know me too well, woman.

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

Wang Yangming takes a scroll of knowledge from a crane.

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

What can I get you? Something light but filling. Flavorful but not too spicy. Healthy but not boring. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Something right in the middle. Neither here nor there. It must walk the line of non-offensive yet opinionated. I wonder if Arby's is taking applications. If I eat a sandwich in the woods and no one is around, do I make a sound?

"It needs more old salt."

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

The Deli Lama - Sandwich shop.

'Your Dell went to hell.'

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

'No, sorry, money is the root of all evil!'

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'

Country & High Brow.