Sailing Sage Gifts

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"You experience violent mood swings from elation to despair? That's normal for a boat owner."

"It needs more old salt."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

One way only.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

Captain Thomas Coram.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Sigh...things wear oud, dust collects, people die... Why can't you just relax and enjoy life? Because one thing really worries me... Reincarnation, right? ou know me too well, woman.

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

"I hope it's not contagious."

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'How many potatoes to make a bottle of vodka?.'

Distilleries Association

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"Dad, read us a story" "Ask your Mom" "Origin of Mother Goose"

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

'No, sorry, money is the root of all evil!'

Sooner or Later

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."