Survivor Humor Fan Gifts

'Well, this is not a good sign: Can I have a look at that map of yours?'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

Need tickets.

"What if I told you that everything you knew about slowly going insane on a desert island was wrong?"

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

No Loitering

"This better be high tide."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"At least my putting has improved."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

That Bear Grylls eats some EVIL crap, I'm telling you!

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

"For the last time — there is no ‘other woman’!"

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

Eskimo in Igloo

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'