Survivalist Humor Fan Gifts

I told you we should have gotten the maintenance agreement.

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'What are you doing on Saturday night?'

Desert island with a high tide line

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"This better be high tide."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"At least my putting has improved."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Eskimo in Igloo

Stay in school.

"Miss Reed, could you please bring me a palm tree and some ragged clothes?"