Survivalist Humor Gifts

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'Do you have planning permission for this construction?'

'Don't kid yourself. Humans have chemical weapons, and they'll use them.'

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

'Why yes! I would like to talk to you about the end of the world.'

Stay in school.

At least we've got plenty of food.

'I'm getting worried -- we're almost out of coconuts!'

Man is Stranded as a Hammock Stand

'How long are you going to keep checking your voice mail!?

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

"Good morning Sir, how may I help you?"

Run out of firewood.

Desert island with a 'no food or drink' sign.

"Well, so much for ecotourism."

Man stranded on an island tries to get wifi coverage.

"Don't open, we do not know anyone around here!"

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'It just says, 'Flick palm to on position!'

You are here. Too bad!

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

'Recently I just get so much junk mail.'

NO FACILITIES

'Looks like we lucked out.'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Warning contains Nuts

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Look! A penny!

"This better be high tide."

Ok, I think they'll get the idea. #sos #help #thirsty #hot #hungry #scr

"Maybe I should've picked up that ice cube maker."

Spear Fishing

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'