Humorous Survivalist Gifts

'I should be finished with our harrowing tale of survival by the time we reach dry land.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"This better be high tide."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Town follows the snow plough.

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

Look! A penny!

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"