Survival Humor Gifts

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"At least my putting has improved."

BARBER

"This better be high tide."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

Look! A penny!

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"