Survival Humor Lover Gifts

'This is madness, Ralph. Even if they deliver the pizza, we have no money to pay for it!'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"Caught another one!" "Let's eat!"

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"This better be high tide."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"At least my putting has improved."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

Spam.

Castaway approach desert island which has 'No Loitering' sign

NO FACILITIES

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"